7 Signs Your Kindness Is Harming Your Relationship

The works of domestic and foreign children's writers, as well as folklore, are permeated with the idea of ​​the solemn victory of good over evil. Fairy-tale winning heroes become role models for children. From infancy, people who are accustomed to considering kindness as a positive quality only over the years begin to think about whether kindness can cause harm to a person.

Quotes of great men

The statements of great people about humanism, spiritual beauty, compassion and mutual assistance have perpetuated the idea of ​​​​kindness as the highest category to which every person should strive.

For example, L.N. Tolstoy wrote:

Good is the eternal, highest goal of our life. No matter how we understand good, our life is nothing more than a desire for good.

People with a good soul are identified with the source of light, warmth and joy. Providing support in difficult life situations, philanthropists do not expect or demand anything in return. They do not reproach or boast about good deeds done for the sake of others.

B. Johnson characterizes such people with the following statement:

Good people are like stars, the luminaries of the age in which they live, illuminating their times.

However, the wisdom of millennia calls for caution on the path of following the path of goodness. Sometimes actions driven by pure spiritual impulses and outwardly seeming useful turn out to be manifestations of evil.

Chinese philosopher Hong Zichen said:

Kindness can often cause harm, so when you want to do good, think it over carefully.

Undoubtedly, a person needs to be helped when he needs help. The other side of the coin is a frivolous display of kindness, without analyzing the consequences of the actions taken.

But the versatility of life situations is not always amenable to analysis; not every person is able to predict what events may happen if one acts in a certain way. Ambrose Bierce warned about this when he wrote the following statement:

Kindness is a short preface to the ten volumes of retribution.

Sometimes people, under the appearance of goodwill, can hide selfish motives. Manifestations of insincerity are often described in literary works, memoirs, written reflections and essays. An example is the statement of L. N. Tolstoy:

There is nothing worse than fake kindness. Pretending kindness is more repulsive than outright malice.

Phraseologisms about false kindness

Many aphorisms, proverbs and sayings have been written about the best qualities of the human personality and its manifestations. Phraseologisms and idioms were also created about the negative traits that are characteristic of many representatives of humanity. Catchphrases formed centuries ago demonstrate how kindness can harm a person. The most commonly used are the following:

  1. "Disservice". The meaning of the statement is the intention to provide inept or unsolicited help, which will only cause harm instead of the expected benefit. The aphorism owes its origin to I. A. Krylov. The author translated Jean La Fontaine's fable “The Bear and the Gardener” into Russian. According to the plot of the work, the bear wanted to rid his sleeping friend of annoying flies. Overdoing it, he smashes the head of the unsuspecting Hermit with a stone. A sad outcome despite genuinely good intentions.
  2. "Blind Kindness" A thoughtless, limitless display of kindness towards a person or a small child is fraught with negative consequences. An example is the desire of a mother or grandmother to perform simple actions for her beloved child, despite the fact that the baby is already able to do a lot on his own. Such kindness leads to laziness and the inability to make independent decisions.
  3. "Good must be with fists". The idea that became a phraseological unit belongs to the poet Mikhail Svetlov. The meaning of this expression is that good can only be good if it can resist the forces of evil, protect and secure itself on its own.
  4. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” The phrase is used to describe the actions of people who are trying to do a good deed, but the result comes out with negative consequences.
  5. “They do not seek good from good.” The meaning of the popular proverb is that, having committed a generous act, one should not expect reciprocity. This may not happen.

In addition to phraseological units and sayings, the history of the development of events in the plot, whether out of spiritual kindness a person can harm himself and other people, are described in domestic and foreign literature.

Essay 3

Speaking about such a concept as kindness, it is worth saying that it is certainly a positive and humane concept. However, it is worth understanding that the concepts of good and evil are relative, and that is why they are often transitional forms. There are many examples in Russian literature of how kindness flows into something else, and this also applies to evil. There are situations in which good deeds, even for the benefit of other people, are implied as something good, however, their final form can take on other meanings. It is worth noting that often, a person who does good for others and wants to do good does not know the intentions of those people, and therefore, his kindness may be undesirable for them. Also, it can be noted that the final goal and plans of such good deeds can be extremely different from each other. It is also important to understand that such actions can sometimes harm not only the person for whom they are intended, but also the person who committed them may suffer.

For example, Solzhenitsyn, in his work “Matrenin’s Dvor,” revealed the character of a kind woman. She constantly sought to help the people around her, did good deeds for them, and her goals were not selfish or material. However, one day she harmed herself in this way. She wanted to help transport the upper room to the estate of Thaddeus’s daughter, a man who did not love her. On the way to her goal, she is hit by a train, and her life's journey is tragically cut short. Despite the fact that the woman tried all her life to help the people around her, including her enemies, it is worth saying that her fate turned out to be very sad and tragic.

“Old Woman Izergil” shows a legend about a magnificent man named Danko, who all his life did good deeds for the people around him, however, he was not understood by them, and in the end, decides to sacrifice himself in order to light the way for them. And yet, in their eyes, he did not become a hero. Thinking about this question, it is worth saying that the heroes did good all their lives and tried to help others, however, their help was not highly appreciated, and a tragic fate awaited them. And yet, in most cases, good deeds are an indicator that the person who performs them has a good heart. Often, fate rewards people for good deeds, however, one should understand and accept all the consequences that can await the person who commits them.

Arguments from fiction

The theme of showing kindness and its consequences is revealed in the works of fiction authors. Using the example of heroes of classical works, writers show how kindness can harm a person.

One of these cases is described by L.N. Tolstoy in the novel “War and Peace.” Nobleman Pierre Bezukhov, dreamily thinking about his life's purpose, decides to make life easier for the serfs. To bring this idea to life, Bezukhov frees the involuntary and invests funds in the construction of schools and hospitals for former serfs.

Driven by sublime feelings of justice and kindness, Pierre faces the harsh truth of life. The managers fraudulently misappropriated part of the money allocated for the implementation of the project. But the changes that were nevertheless managed to be implemented did not find approval among the peasants. Leo Tolstoy demonstrated how the noble ideas of infantile dreamers, divorced from reality, can cause harm.

Another example of negative benevolence is narrated in Maxim Gorky’s play “At the Depths.” Elder Luke, who took pity on the night shelters losing their humanity, promised each of them a future that they no longer dared to desire. The next morning, the weak old man left the night shelter, and with him the sweet dreams of a wonderful life evaporated. After his disappearance, the actor hanged himself because he could not cope with the discrepancy between his dreams and reality, the thief was sent to prison, and his beloved woman disappeared. Can the consoling words of a God-fearing traveler be called good?

Life cannot be separated only by white and black colors; there are many halftones and shades. So it is with the manifestation of generosity. Good intentions may not always be rewarded with the intended outcome. People don't often think about how outward displays of insincere kindness can affect future events. Taught from childhood that doing good deeds is met with public approval and recognition, few people try to figure out when an action performed is truly good, and which actions cause pain and disappointment to others.

Can kindness cause harm to a person?

Kindness is an excellent and even superior human trait. As a rule, it is perceived positively. However, is it possible for a situation to occur in which kindness causes harm to a person? Or is there an example where a noble event causes harm not only to the addressee, but also to those around him?

I believe that you can find many situations in the real and literary world that indicate that kindness not only helps, but also hurts. This is due, in my opinion, to the fact that people do not know how to read minds or simply listen to others. For example, renovations in a new apartment for children can cause harm. This example is relevant in cases where children are not asked what they would like to change. Combined with adolescence, this leads to conflicts. More meaningful arguments can be gleaned from literary works authored by domestic or foreign artists.

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In the work of the excellent writer A.P. Platonov's "Yushka" the central character was a kind person. The hero never responded to insults, although he continued to suffer mentally. He even had to endure beatings and public humiliation. Despite this, he remained kind, maintaining this main positive quality in his soul. Secretly, the man financially supported the orphan, providing her with shelter and food. This takes on special significance given the fact that the hero himself was malnourished and skimped on everything. However, the townspeople vehemently rejected such a lifestyle and perceived Yushka’s actions as a manifestation of spinelessness.

That is why the children humiliated the hero and made him suffer. But this did not break the man. He remained himself, without changing his convictions. The final blow was another fight. Due to malnutrition and illness, Yushka died after the skirmish. What is the manifestation of kindness here? Yushka always treated the townspeople and the orphan with a kind heart, helping them when necessary. His kindness led to the fact that he completely neglected his own health and eventually died. In this case, good actions had negative consequences.

In the work of F.M. Dostoevsky’s “Crime and Punishment” the official Marmeladov tried to help Katerina Ivanovna. His plan was to get married. On the one hand, it was an act full of nobility, which led to a great tragedy for the woman. Initially, Marmeladov supported Katerina with the children, but then he began to drink constantly, which led to his sudden death. Sonechka, for the sake of her younger brother and sisters, is eventually forced to go into prostitution. So a good deed led to pain and tragedy, but still it cannot be said unequivocally that in the absence of marriage, the life of Katerina Ivanovna’s children would have been better.

Thus, kindness can cause harm. That is why it is important not only to perform noble deeds, but also to think about the consequences and take into account the wishes of other people.

Sincere quality

True kindness contains tremendous strength and energy. But can a truly noble desire, not only coming from the depths of the heart, but also reasonable, harm someone? Most likely not. To cultivate generosity in yourself, you need to work on it constantly. The main thing is to follow certain rules every day:

  1. Smile more often. A sincere smile fills the world around us with positivity; it cannot harm anyone. And she’s quite capable of lifting your spirits, cheering you up and inspiring.
  2. Learn to do good. If you try to analyze life situations more often, over time you will come to understand the causes and consequences of certain actions.
  3. Do good deeds every day. Give up your place in line or on public transport, give a compliment to the salesperson in a store, wish good day to all your family and friends in person or online. Just wish happiness to all the inhabitants of the planet. Such simple actions, which cannot cause harm, can help someone feel support or a sense of joy.

Realizing what true kindness is makes a person wise. The manifestation of humanity is the most important component of the spiritual development of each individual. There are no good qualities in excess, so you need to cultivate kindness throughout your life.

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