The role of family and environment for the child
- In the poem by N.V. Gogol’s “Dead Souls”, the authoritative instructions of Chichikov Sr. are a powerful incentive for the formation of the character and activities of the main character. The list of postulates included: the ability to please superiors, communication with people for profit, and careful handling of money. The strength of his father's covenant was reflected in Chichikov's adult life. He followed his father’s behest, skillfully mastering the ability to accumulate. This adherence to authority made Pavel a talented hoarder, but also an unhappy person, for whom the main goal in life is connected with the world of things, and money is the only true friend. Thus, Chichikov not only became an immoral person who can step over any morality for the sake of profit, but also a loner who has not known true friendship and love.
- In Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s allegorical tale “The Little Prince,” the role of authority is played by the Fox from planet Earth, who taught his friend the basic principles of friendship and love. The fox doesn't just tell the prince how to find friends and love correctly. He tells the boy to “tame” him. Only through the process of “establishing bonds” does the hero understand the truths that the Fox preaches. At the cost of his suffering, he trains the Little Prince, and he returns to his beloved - the rose - because he once tamed her too.
Essay: Happy, irrevocable time of childhood (L.N. Tolstoy)
Childhood is one of the stages of human life, which largely influences our future destiny. Memories from childhood are different for everyone, they stay with us for a long time. Arguing on these topics, the narrator immerses us in his own memories from childhood, which are filled with boundless warmth and love.
It is very important to note that thoughts about a time long past continue to warm the hero into adulthood. It is not difficult to trace the position of the author, who so vividly conveys the experiences and admiration of the young hero. Memories from childhood calm him down and evoke a slight melancholy; for him they are a “source of pleasure.” Nikolai remembers how fabulously beautiful the world around him seemed, how he was overwhelmed with love and sincerity for everything that was happening. I think many will agree that childhood is the most carefree and vibrant time in life, capable of preserving kindness and love for little things in each of us. Very often you can hear that in adult life those people who remain happy are those who are able, despite all the sorrows and hardships, to retain in their souls a piece of the carefreeness and joy of their inner child. In adult life, a person faces a huge number of problems and completely forgets that they can be looked at from a different angle.
The position conveyed by the author with the help of his characters is close to me. I completely share his opinion, because I consider childhood one of the most important stages of human life and its formation. All a person’s problems and complexes come from childhood, but the joy that he accumulates in himself also comes from this time. Memories that warm the soul, familiar sounds, familiar smells make people go back in time for a moment and feel like happy children, enveloped in boundless love and light. Such memories can melt the hearts of even those who have long plunged into adulthood and are completely immersed in their affairs.
Thus, childhood plays a vital role in our lives. It is in childhood that we are able to sincerely enjoy it and all the little things that surround us. It is very important not to lose this ability to love limitlessly and attach meaning to even the most insignificant joys in life. Always remain grateful and moderately carefree - just like in childhood. Moreover, we must remember that we are part of the childhood and childhood memories of the children around us. Therefore, we must do everything in our power to provide them with a happy childhood.
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EssaysEssay 9.3: What is growing up (according to the text by B.L. Pasternak)
The problem of growing up
- Tale by V.T. Tendryakova’s “The Night After Graduation” most fully reveals the problems of growing up. The transition from school to adulthood is a difficult time in the life of a teenager. The best student of the graduating class, Yulia Studentseva, taking the opportunity to speak for her class at the graduation party, said that she was indifferent to all the paths and opportunities that were now opening up for her. The problem of choosing a path that will determine the whole future life, the search for one’s calling is just one of the few conflicts of growing up that are reflected in the story by V.T. Tendryakov.
- Trilogy L.N. Tolstoy “Childhood. Adolescence. Youth" tells about the problems of moral development of Nikolenka Irtenyev. The questions that occupy the main character are questions of self-determination, which are asked by most of the younger generation. For example, in “adolescence” Nikolenka painfully experiences the age gap with her older brother Volodya and envies his character. Mental experiences result in uncontrollable hysterics, in the impulse of which he hits the tutor. In Youth, the main character is occupied with more subtle problems: he tries to organize his life, creating “rules” and trying to understand the weight of the human word. As a young man, Nikolenka is inclined to schematically divide all the phenomena of life. For example, in the chapter “Love” he reflects step by step on three types of love. Thus, the reader sees how complex and long the process of personality development is.
Unified State Examination in Russian language. Essay based on the text by D.A. Granin (the problem of the role of childhood in human life).
Essay based on the text by D.A. Granin on the problem of the role of childhood in human life
(1) Childhood rarely makes it possible to guess anything about the child’s future. (2) No matter how hard fathers and mothers try to see what will come of their child, no, it is not justified. (3) They all see childhood as a preface to adult life, preparation. (4) In fact, childhood is an independent kingdom, a separate country, independent of the adult future, of parental plans; it, if you like, is the main part of life, it is the main age of a person. (5) Moreover, a person is destined for childhood, born for childhood, in old age childhood is remembered most of all, so we can say that childhood is the future of an adult.
(6) Childhood was the happiest time of my life. (7) Not because things got worse. (8) And over the next years I thank fate, and there were a lot of good things. (9) But childhood was different from the rest of my life in that then the world seemed arranged for me, I was a joy for my father and mother, I was for no one, there was no sense of duty, there were no responsibilities, well, pick up the snot, well go to bed. (10) Childhood is irresponsible. (11) It was then that responsibilities around the house began to appear. (12) Go. (13) Bring it. (14) Wash... (15) School appeared, lessons appeared, a clock appeared, time appeared.
(16) I lived among ants, grass, berries, geese. (17) I could lie in a field, fly among the clouds, run to God knows where, just rush, be a locomotive, a car, a horse. (18) Could talk to any adult. (19) This was the kingdom of freedom. (20) Not only external, but also internal. (21) I could look from the bridge into the water for hours. (22) What did I see there? (23) I stood idle for a long time at the shooting range. (24) The forge was a magical sight.
(25) As a child, I loved to lie for hours on the warm logs of the raft, look into the water, how they played there in the reddish depths, the bleaks glistened.
(26) You turn on your back, clouds are floating in the sky, and it seems that my raft is floating. (27) The water gurgles under the logs, where it floats - of course, to distant countries, there are palm trees, deserts, camels. (28) In children's countries there were no skyscrapers, no highways, there was a country of Fenimore Cooper, sometimes Jack London - he had snowy, blizzard, frosty ones.
(29) Childhood is black bread, warm, fragrant, there was nothing like it later, it remained there, it’s green peas, it’s grass under bare feet, it’s pies with carrots, rye, with potatoes, it’s homemade kvass. (30) Where does the food of our childhood disappear? (31) And why does it always disappear? (32) Poppy seeds, lean sugar, millet porridge with pumpkin...
(33) There were so many different happy, cheerful things... (34) Childhood remains the main thing and gets prettier over the years. (35) I cried there too, I was unhappy. (36) Fortunately, this was completely forgotten, only the charm of that life remained. (37) Namely life. (38) There was no love, no glory, no travel, only life, a pure feeling of delight at one’s existence under this sky. (39) The value of friendship or the happiness of having parents was not yet realized, all this later, later, and there, on the raft, only me, the sky, the river, sweet foggy dreams...
According to D.A. Granin.
In adulthood, people often remember the happy moments of childhood. They are what shape personality. YES. Granin discusses the problem of the role of childhood in human life.
The writer focuses on memories of his own childhood. It shows that the boy enjoyed every moment, enjoyed simple things, admired the beauty of nature. His inquisitive mind was filled with fantasies in which the child could be “a horse, a car, a steam locomotive.” For him there was a magical land of Fenimore Cooper and Jack London. The baby was then trusting and pure, free and carefree. The author emphasizes this to prove that childhood is an “independent kingdom,” “the main age of a person.”
However, in adult life, the feeling of freedom, carelessness, inspiration and fascination with the world often disappears. And, although in the early years there were grievances and disappointments, over time a person experiences nostalgia for childhood and remembers only its bright and kind moments. D. Granin notes that the older a person gets, the more he begins to appreciate what has gone away over the years. These two examples, complementing each other, show how the simple joys of young years sink into the soul and how much charm there was in the distant past.
The writer believes that childhood is the happiest time, and it is this period that determines a person’s adult life, shapes his character and perception of the world.
One cannot but agree with the author’s position that a child, receiving his first life lessons, remains carefree and free, easily forgets suffering and pain. He derives pleasure simply from the fact of his existence. I remember Nikolenka Irtenyev, the hero of the autobiographical story by L.N. Tolstoy's "Childhood". Already an adult writer, years later, speaks of early childhood as a happy and irrevocable time. And although Nikolenka was often offended and angry with strict but fair mentors - tutor Karl Ivanovich and nanny Natalya Savishna, who demanded honesty, gratitude, and obedience from him, how much joy fun games with peers, the caresses of a loving mother, gifts and entertainment brought him.
After reading this text, you understand what an important role childhood plays in everyone’s life, because it is a kingdom of magic, countless miracles, cheerful holidays and eventful everyday life. At this time, the vision of the world, the perception of life are sharpened, everything seems interesting and significant. We must not waste this generous gift - the fullness of being - and try to preserve the child within us.
The influence and role of childhood in human life
- The young monk Mtsyri is a key figure in the work of the same name by M.Yu. Lermontov. All his life he yearned for his native land of the mountainous Caucasus. The hero's personal tragedy lies in his slavery, which does not give him the opportunity to return to his home. The young man's monologue before his death contains childhood memories in which his father, sisters, and the evening fire appear. But the main thing for Mtsyri is that his childhood memories refer the hero to the thought of the illusory and distant freedom that the young soul so strives for. Thus, childhood memories associated with a feeling of freedom and happiness served as an incentive for the hero’s fatal escape.
- The problem of the influence of childhood memories on a person is updated in the work of F.M. Dostoevsky "Crime and Punishment" . On the eve of a brutal murder, young student Rodion Raskolnikov has a dream-memory from his childhood. In it, the main character appears as a little boy, subtly and painfully feeling compassion for the horse killed by a drunken Mikolka. It is no coincidence that the author includes this dream in the narrative. This memory casts doubt on Raskolnikov’s theory, saying that no one has the right to control someone else’s life. But the ideological principle still outweighs Rodion’s consciousness, and he still kills the old woman. However, thoughts from childhood do not let him go; it was they that laid the foundation for the contradiction in the soul of the criminal.
The main condition under which childhood will be remembered as happy
Why do some people remember their childhood as happy, while others remember it as unhappy? To understand this, it is important to know what a child needs at each stage of his growing up. Children need different things at different times. But there is a main condition that all children need at all times. There are quotes about this from the famous St. Petersburg writer and child psychologist with 30 years of work experience, Ekaterina Murashova.
1. “ In the first year after birth, a child begins to develop basic trust in life. He doesn’t care where he sleeps, what he is provided with: wooden toys nailed to the floor, or he is dragged to development centers. A child only needs to be wanted. So that there is a person who specifically wants this child and makes it clear: “I’m glad you came into this world.” If there is such a person, then everything is in order, all other things are variable, they do not provide either happiness or unhappiness.”
2. “ From one to three years old, a child needs someone to be with him. He is already beginning to move to the side, to explore the world, but he needs an adult within reach, to whom he can run and bury his head in his lap. Again: how many toys and educational toys a child has, how much time the mother spends with him, whether she is a crazy businesswoman or she is no less crazy on the kinetic sand - it doesn’t matter. There is someone nearby - great, childhood is perceived as quite prosperous.”
3. “ After three years , a child needs to be gradually released from himself. He needs a piece of space where he can go, and - horizontal communication! Until this moment, the child can easily do without peers if adults are involved enough with him. Starting from the age of three, horizontal communication is a key condition for the formation of social skills. Who am I in the group? What should I do if they don’t want to play with me? How to behave if a toy is taken away? Children need a team from which the adult has left. For example, the nanny and the teacher went to grab some tea, and at this time it begins... That is, horizontal communication is not when you take your child to tennis and songs in English. This is precisely communication without adults. If this is not provided to the child at the age of three or four, the stage of socialization will be postponed until school, and then everything is much more serious. The school itself requires adaptation.”
4. “ At the age of 10, a very interesting stage begins, which is “slammed” not only by parents, but also by family psychologists. The child begins to rapidly develop cognitive skills: to such an extent that he understands (still only with his mind, without prerequisites or desire): “Sooner or later, I will have to go out into the big world and take some place in it.” The child understands: childhood is not over yet, but it will end. And a natural question for a normal child who has grown up to this point is: what place in the world will I take? This is not career guidance! This is the onset of social “pre-maturity”: who will I be there?
Of course, younger children think about this too. They make their first attempts to formulate “who I will be” at the age of 4-5. We must pay close attention to this, because these things are structure-forming, they speak about personality. Under no circumstances should you dismiss a child who says that he will become an ice cream seller or a teacher like Marya Petrovna. You can’t say: “Don’t you know how much they get? Look how many problems you have! And how can you be a teacher when you have such dirt in your notebook! You are cutting off important structures that will not come back to life later.”
More on the blog: 20 laws of life by Natalia Grace
5. “When a child asks the question: how do people get along in this world? How do others get into it and live well in it? The first people he looks at are, of course, his parents. And the place where you are when your child is 10 years old is structure-forming for him. He watches how his mom and dad settled into this world. Great if you've settled in well. What is “good” : you like the place you occupy, and this place likes you. It doesn’t matter what you do - plow the land, discover the secrets of nature, write novels, drive a trolleybus. If you are comfortable driving a trolleybus, comfortable working in a confectionery shop, then your child, looking at this, will say: “My mother is a pastry chef, she bakes delicious and beautiful cakes.” Or: “My dad is a driver, he works at the port, there are huge cars there.” And the child will learn in the subcortex: yes! I understand how things work in this world. When the answer is “yes,” the child calms down.
6. “ It happens that the situation goes in a different direction. For example, in response to a child’s question: “Dad, do you work at this factory, what are you doing there and why?”, the father says: “Why, why am I working... To feed you backbone eaters! Do you know how much money you need? Ask your mother. That's why I work. And do you know why? Because I didn't study well at school! If I studied better, I would become an engineer. If you carry deuces, the same will happen to you.” Do you understand how different the mental state of these two children was? Neither one nor the other will come to dad anymore. The first one has already received an answer, but the second one simply won’t respond. So there is no need to say that “if you study well, you will have respect and a good salary.” There is no need to tell that without higher education people do not live, but die in terrible agony. Why? Because it's a lie. Children generally need to lie less.”
7. “ At 13-14 years old, the child already ends and someone else begins. For a teenager to feel “my childhood was happy”, parents need a revision of the contract. The fact is that when a mother gives birth to a child or takes him from an orphanage, an “agreement” is concluded between them: it is not written down, but is implied. This agreement is as follows: I am the mother, you are the child. I have to: first, second, third, tenth. You must: first, second, third, tenth. When a mother who has just given birth to a child comes out to people, holding him in her arms, and says: “we pooped,” everyone understands that she is right. What is true is that the “pooping” of this baby was their joint action, since the mother does not separate herself from the child. And the baby certainly does not separate itself from its mother. Everything is fine here.
When a mother comes to see me with a 15-year-old forehead taller than me and a shoe size 45, and says: “You know, doctor, we have big problems, we are rude to teachers and we have two C grades,” here something is already wrong. Accordingly, my question is a clarification: “Are you also rude to teachers?” That is, something happened on this section of the path, but the mother did not notice it. What happened? “We pooped” is normal. Then, at 3 years old, he ran and buried his face in his knees - normal. The psychological umbilical cord is still alive, and something is still swinging along it. Then, after three years, the child begins to move further, further, further. And at some point, this umbilical cord stretches, dries out, interferes with life: it becomes painful for both - both mother and child. “Twitching” of the umbilical cord begins on the other side: the child requests a revision of the contract. What should parents do at this moment? Of course, cut!
More on the blog: Evaluation and control of decisions implementation
For example, like this. “Bunny,” says the mother, “finally! I was waiting for this on long winter evenings. You are finally becoming an adult, what a blessing. Of course, we are reviewing the agreement. We become equal, yes! The only thing is that you are only 13 years old and you cannot earn money yet. But that’s okay, I will earn money because I can and know how. And you will be responsible for farming. I know approximately how much I spend a week, I will leave it to you, you will do everything, and a hot dinner will be waiting for me in the evenings. We will divide the paralyzed grandmother in half: you will clean the pots on Mondays and Thursdays, I will clean the pots on Tuesdays and Fridays, and we will hire a nurse for the weekend. Let's live, bunny! You said you wanted a ring in your nose and a feather in your ass. Of course, as an adult, you have every right to do this, I won’t say a word.”
What do you think, when most bunnies hear this, what do they say? “Can I still be little?” But how many such parents do you know? Personally, not enough. The majority, feeling that the umbilical cord is being pulled on the other side, decide: it has begun! Right now he will start drinking, smoking, injecting drugs and having sex at the same time, after first joining the society of blue whales. And instead of letting go, the parents begin to “rewind the umbilical cord” back , but the child asked for the exact opposite! And what reaction does he give? Resists with all four bones, and - hello, teenage crisis. Nature does not provide for any crises, they are not genetically programmed, we create them artificially.”
8. “So, in order for a child to later remember his childhood as prosperous, he needs these things throughout his growing up. And all children at all times need to have at least one person next to them who believes that this world is a great place in which everyone will find a place for themselves. Next to a growing child there should be a person who believes that the world is okay and I am okay in it. This is enough for a child, growing up, to think: “Well, since the world is okay, I am certainly okay too, and I will find a place for myself in it.” This is what all children always need. If there is no such person nearby, and for years it is broadcast to the child: “Do you understand how dangerous the world is? It’s generally impossible to live in this country, you grow up and have to get out of here, etc.”, then screw you, not a happy childhood.”
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Child poverty
- Valentin Rasputin's story “French Lessons” most fully reflects the problem of child poverty. The central character, on whose behalf the story is told, talks about a dysfunctional family and a hungry childhood. Necessity pushes him to make money through gambling in a dubious company. The cheating of one of the players was noticed by the boy, after which he was severely beaten. The child's plight did not go unnoticed by the young French teacher Lidia Mikhailovna, who secretly helped the boy with food. When the identity of the sender was revealed, Lidia Mikhailovna herself began to play with the main character for money, after which she lost her job. However, even after this, she continued to support the student. But the story of her charity reflects an ongoing problem in child welfare that many people don't want to see.
- In the novel by F.M. Dostoevsky's “Crime and Punishment” shows the problem of child poverty in the Marmeladov family. Katerina Ivanovna’s children had living conditions that were appalling in terms of poverty. They often remained hungry, which was reflected in their emaciated faces, and they wore worn-out clothes. Finally, the picture of poverty is completed by the very location of the family’s room, which was a walk-through room and was hung with sheets to create the illusion of separate space. The poverty of the Marmeladov family, including childhood poverty, prompted Sonya to step over herself and go “with a yellow ticket.”
It's never too late to have a happy childhood! And why are all the problems from childhood?
Many of you know that all the problems are from childhood!
In this article I would like to explain in detail why this is so.
How we are made. Psyche - Brain - Body.
The psyche passes all events of the outside world through itself and sends signals to the brain. The brain, in turn, sends corresponding signals to the body . These sequences form neural networks . All this is the work of the subconscious, occurring automatically.
- The subconscious is a huge information library. It contains all of our experiences and beliefs and generates emotional responses, reactions according to our background, values and beliefs.
Therefore, it is important to understand that the subconscious has no time! The subconscious and the body have their own memory . This is what makes you experience the same unpleasant feeling every time! Manifesting in Thoughts - Emotions - Body ! That is, experiencing this familiar feeling every time, we are actually living in the past ! Namely, the moment when we learned this .
For example , a child fell out of his crib at six months old, his parents were not around, and he instinctively, for the first time felt unnecessary and defenseless. The person has grown up, he is already 30 , but still feels unnecessary , for example, when he breaks up or is somewhere completely alone.
Why do most psychotraumas come from childhood?
You may know that the brain has electrochemical activity. At the moment of activation, neurons exchange charged particles, resulting in an electromagnetic field. Measuring brain electrical activity provides insight into what happens in the brain when we think, feel, learn, dream, and create. In addition, we can learn how the brain processes information. Scientists use electroencephalography (EEG) to record the electrical activity of the brain. Research has established that the frequency range of electromagnetic radiation from the human brain is extremely wide .
Dynamics of brain radiation in children: from subconscious to conscious
- Delta. From birth to 2 years, low frequencies predominate in brain radiation - 0.5–4 cycles per second . This range corresponds to delta waves . In adults, such waves are activated in a state of deep sleep. This explains the fact that newborns cannot be awake for more than a few minutes at a time (open eyes are not yet a sign of wakefulness). The brain radiation of one-year-old children in a state of wakefulness still gravitates towards delta frequencies, since their activity is mainly controlled by the subconscious. Information from the outside world is perceived without critical reflection or evaluation. At this stage of development, the thinking brain (neocortex, the conscious mind) functions very poorly.
- Theta. In the period from 2 to 5–6 years, the frequency of electrical brain radiation increases and reaches 4–8 c/s . the theta wave range . At this age, children are mostly immersed in themselves, and their state is close to a trance. They live in a world of imagination, far from any specifics, and are practically incapable of critical, rational thinking. Therefore, they readily believe everything they are told (PS: there is a Santa Claus!). And everything we hear at this age leaves an indelible mark on us. "Big boys don't cry! For a girl, the main thing is appearance. Your sister is smarter than you. If you freeze, you will definitely get sick!” Sounds familiar, huh? All these statements are deposited directly in the subconscious, since low-frequency vibrations are an area of subconscious activity (yes, that’s a hint).
- Alpha. Between 5 and 8 years, another frequency shift occurs towards the alpha range : 8–12 cycles per second . At this stage of development, analytical thinking is formed; children begin to interpret the world around them and formulate its laws for themselves. But at the same time, the inner world of imagination remains as real as the outer one. At this age, children, as a rule, live in two worlds at the same time. That's why it's so easy for them to transform. Ask your child to pretend to be a dolphin splashing in the sea, or a snowflake flying in the wind, or a superhero rushing to the rescue, and a few hours later he will still be in character. Ask an adult about this, and... well, I think you know how it will end.
- Beta . Between 8 and 12 years of age, the frequency of brain radiation increases steadily. The lower limit of the beta range is 13 vibrations per second . Throughout adolescence, the frequency of the wave continues to rise and can reach various levels. We are entering a time of blossoming of conscious, analytical thinking. After 12 years, the door between the conscious and subconscious, as a rule, slams shut. The beta range is divided into three intermediate bands: low, medium and high. During adolescence, the wave frequency moves from the low to high beta range typical of most adults.
all graphs of the dynamics of brain radiation (Delta - Theta - Alpha - Beta) in the Photo Album below, after the article.
That is, in fact, a child from conception to 5 years old lives all the time in a state of trance or subconscious state. This is a state of increased learning ability, increased suggestibility . And absolutely everything that happens around (the internal state of parents, quarrels, any unpleasant events) goes straight into the subconscious, leaving a mark there for life . In fact, programming the child for certain behavior, reactions, feelings. And since children are often raised by unhappy parents, the child simply cannot be different. That is why any mental disorder is perhaps the most common problem today.
Why is it “never too late to have a happy childhood”? This phrase is nothing other than the essence of hypnotherapy and age regression . And these words are really reality, because our memory is just an opinion about our life.
By turning as an adult and entering a subconscious state ( Theta waves ), the same as in childhood , you can find the root cause and relive all the traumatic moments of your childhood, but in a new way , with new experiences, feelings and beliefs, no injuries ! Then, all the uncomfortable feelings that interfered in the present simply crumble, having no foundation. At the brain level, this new reaction or new feeling looks like a new neural circuit through which electricity now flows in the form of thoughts. And the old neural network completely disintegrates over time, as it is no longer needed. This method is perhaps the most effective possible and provides in-depth study and lasting results of psychological changes for life.
Why does this even work? The fact is that memory works that way. We have a protein that helps with memory encoding. Having remembered something, a person rewrites the memory, each time rewriting the memory again, but with changes! Being in comfort and relaxation, remembering the stress, he will rewrite in the best possible way. It has been scientifically experimentally proven that if you chemically block these proteins in a person, then it will no longer be possible to reproduce what you remember a second time.
The problem of adult indifference
- Valentin Rasputin's story “French Lessons” most fully reflects the problem of child poverty. The central character, on whose behalf the story is told, talks about a dysfunctional family and a hungry childhood. Necessity pushes him to make money through gambling in a dubious company. The cheating of one of the players was noticed by the boy, after which he was severely beaten. The child's plight did not go unnoticed by the young French teacher Lidia Mikhailovna, who secretly helped the boy with food. When the identity of the sender was revealed, Lidia Mikhailovna herself began to play with the main character for money, after which she lost her job. However, even after this, she continued to support the student. But the story of her charity reflects an ongoing problem in child welfare that many people don't want to see.
- In the novel by F.M. Dostoevsky's “Crime and Punishment” shows the problem of child poverty in the Marmeladov family. Katerina Ivanovna’s children had living conditions that were appalling in terms of poverty. They often remained hungry, which was reflected in their emaciated faces, and they wore worn-out clothes. Finally, the picture of poverty is completed by the very location of the family’s room, which was a walk-through room and was hung with sheets to create the illusion of separate space. The poverty of the Marmeladov family, including childhood poverty, prompted Sonya to step over herself and go “with a yellow ticket.”
Author: Liliya Vasketsova
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In search of a happy childhood
This was many years ago. I recently graduated from the psychology department of the university, was already working in a children's clinic, and in my free time I wandered through all sorts of psychological trainings in the hope of gaining some supposedly existing knowledge, which I most obviously lacked in order to effectively help the people who came to me.
All trainings of that time (I don’t know how it is now) were clearly divided into two types: 1) with a sectarian flavor (and the name of the “head of a psychological sect”, deceased or living, known to all adherents) and 2) without it, close to the university, with an attempt rely on a natural scientific basis. I, of course, preferred the latter, although the former were sometimes more interesting from the point of view of observing different human types.
One of the trainings I went to was the most typical representative of the second group: exercises that were already well known to me, they find out something in small groups, draw a little something, write something, then sit back in a circle - let's discuss, how you felt, and so on. At that time, not only people professionally close to psychology, or “training addicts” (they had just appeared at that time), gathered for trainings. People from outsiders also came, having heard something somewhere (there was no trace of the Internet), having read it, with the hope of solving some of their specific problems, or simply curious, seeing in the trainings a kind of original and intellectual secular entertainment.
I don’t know where that couple came to the training from - husband and wife, both about thirty-five years old. It was quite obvious that it was the woman who was curious or hoping for something, and she dragged the man with her “on a string,” perhaps for moral support, or perhaps to demonstrate something to herself and/or the world. She very actively and interestedly participated in everything that was happening, and he (his name was Vadim) kept silent more, clearly bored, but the group (the poor Leningrad intelligentsia, including several students and two or three representatives of bohemia) was mainly interested in him, something in This was intriguing for those gathered. Even at the stage of acquaintance, he said that he was born and raised in the village, and then sometimes he listened friendly, sometimes he almost openly fell asleep and very often (causing the displeasure of the coach) ran outside to smoke.
At some stage of what was happening, they began to talk about childhood as the source of many of today’s problems - talk realistically, completely within the framework of psychodynamic psychotherapy. When it was Vadim’s turn, he charmingly smiled at the female coach, said that his childhood was the most ordinary, and clarified: “Well, remember how they used to say - a happy Soviet childhood, a troubled youth... that’s exactly how it is for me.” But even earlier (in a conversation about his parents) Vadim mentioned that he grew up in the family of his uncle, a rural machine operator, a jack of all trades, and learned a lot from him. And here the presenter found it appropriate to clarify the details of Vadim’s “happy Soviet childhood.”
Slightly lifting up the sleeves of his jumper, amid the absolute, bewildered silence that fell in the group after his first words, Vadim calmly reported that his own father was, in general, a good person, but he drank heavily and often beat his mother and Vadim himself when drunk. And his older sister, it seems, was not only beaten... And one day his mother, unable to withstand the bullying, hacked her father to death with an ax. Then, of course, there was a trial, the mother was imprisoned, and the mother’s brother took the children in, they had a big house, in the village they were considered rich, and his wife, Aunt Sveta, baked amazing pies with fish, and they had been together with their cousins before they played, but, of course, there were some fights when they all began to live together (my aunt and uncle did not interfere, believing that they would sort it out on their own), and one day small but strong Vadim almost tore off his older cousin’s ear, and he almost knocked it out eyes, but while they were both being driven to the hospital for four hours in their uncle’s old “Muscovite” along broken roads, they managed to make peace and continued to be friends for many years without spilling water.
Those who were older were silent. The female trainer was also silent. Students asked questions. And the first, of course, was in meaning (I don’t remember the form) something like this:
- Vadim, and this... this... you call a happy childhood?!
“Well, yes,” Vadim nodded. - What about it? Consider me lucky: I lived well, well-fed, clothed, then my uncle and aunt sent me to education, I bow to them, I graduated from technical school, already served in the army in my specialty, and then immediately found a job in the city.
When Vadim began to be “educated” about his childhood, the coach finally came to her senses and turned the conversation in a different direction. But apparently not fast enough. When everyone was drinking tea during the break, Vadim came up to me (during the training I was also silent almost the entire time and therefore, apparently, seemed trustworthy to him) and asked, choosing his words carefully:
- Listen, did I understand correctly what they think - is there something wrong with my childhood?
- What do you think? — I hit the ball.
— I think, as I said: usually. Yes, that’s how we all lived. Of all the men, only Uncle Kolya did not drink - his ulcer had not closed since the war. And my mother is very respected - then, after the trial, our men even became quiet for a while,” Vadim smiled. - We were afraid, apparently.
-Is your mother alive?
- Otherwise! She was released early for good behavior, now she is a deputy in the village, although she has a criminal record, you yourself understand that it is at a great price, what an experience. I go to her every spring and autumn to plant and dig potatoes. And my sister and her family are there, she has three children. My brother, whom I was talking about here, is a disaster: the year before last he crashed to death on a motorcycle while drunk. So tell me...
“Yes,” I nodded, hesitating. - You had an ordinary childhood, like everyone else there. But for these people here it’s different. That's why they were surprised. And if Tuaregs were sitting here, they would have fallen off their chairs even from their childhood.
— Who are the Tuaregs? — Vadim asked with lively curiosity.
I began to explain in detail, vaguely hoping for the “last line effect.”
The next day they did not come to continue the training. I really want to hope that Vadim, a strong, intelligent and mentally stable man, was able to overcome the unexpected problem on his own, as he had done all his life, and return to the comfortable feeling for him that his childhood was ordinary, normal and even giving him an excellent starting position for a further successful life. But, of course, I cannot be sure of this.
I propose today to discuss the phenomenon of a happy childhood. What it is? What kind of childhood can we consider (remember) happy? Is this still an objective thing or purely subjective? What are its essential components, and what are completely optional? Is it possible to know about the “happiness” of your childhood while still in it, or is this an assessment that is made later? Does a person himself make a judgment about his childhood, relying solely on his own feelings (memories), or is his environment telling him?
As a starter, I offer a few of my thoughts on the topic, with which you can agree or, conversely, challenge them.
It seems to me that an indispensable component of a happy childhood is a childhood spent among approximately equal people. By themselves, objective indicators of family life (wealth, poverty, numbers, national characteristics or lack thereof, religion or lack thereof, intellectuality, closeness to art, etc.) do not play a special role. If all the families around are approximately the same, childhood will be perceived as happy with a much higher probability.
The second factor that greatly increases the chances of a happy childhood seems to me to be a professionally accomplished parent(s). Not necessarily someone who earns a lot, is famous (this is perhaps even a minus), or has achieved a lot. Namely, a person in his place, satisfied with what and how he does, and doing it with interest and (important!) pleasure.
What else, dear readers?
This is certainly a relevant topic, because millions of parents right now are thinking about how to make their children’s childhood happy. And how not to make them unhappy. Of course, there is no single algorithm that is true for all times and peoples. But I think we can outline something important.
PS The results of our discussion, if it takes place (which I really hope), all interested readers who are not members of the project will be able to familiarize themselves with on Wednesday evening or Thursday morning on my blog on the Snob website.
