After my husband’s betrayal, I can’t trust him - how to move on? Is it possible to forgive betrayal

• October 18, 2019
• Psychology of relationships
• Fedorova Victoria

Losing trust is not at all difficult, but regaining it requires enormous effort. Many women, faced with a similar problem, ask a psychologist: after my husband’s betrayal, I can’t trust him. After all, when your heart is broken, it is especially difficult to restore faith in it. What is the right thing for a woman to do? She should understand and accept the fact that the family cannot be preserved in its previous form. The connection between husband and wife goes to another level, which is normal.

Why is it important to trust?

Trust is one of the internal states of a person, giving a feeling of calm and stability. It gives confidence in your other half and helps you approach business meetings with other women without jealousy. A wife who trusts her husband calmly lets him go fishing or go to the bathhouse with friends. She knows exactly where he is and will not control him with phone calls or a sudden visit. Trust is an important component of two loving hearts.

If it is destroyed, then the man has committed a serious offense. As a result, trust in the relationship is completely lost. At the same moment, confidence in the dearest and most beloved person disappears. The woman experiences pain and disappointment. It seems to her that she will never be able to trust her husband again. When there is no trust in the husband, then such a relationship cannot exist - all psychologists are sure of this. In order not to completely ruin her life and not lose the opportunity to love, a woman must understand how to live further.

Why did Katerina confess her sin to her husband? Posts tagged repentance Katerina play “thunderstorm”

Composition

The heroines of Russian literature are striking in their moral purity and rare spiritual strength, which allows them to boldly challenge the strict laws and conventions of society. Such is Pushkin’s Tatyana, Turgenev’s Liza Kalitina. Such is Katerina Kabanova from Ostrovsky’s drama “The Thunderstorm”. How does this young merchant’s wife, who has not received any education and is not involved in a socially significant matter, stand out among the other characters in the play? Her sphere is family, easy home activities: needlework, caring for flowers, going to church.

Katerina’s first words, when she calls Kabanikha her own mother, are clearly insincere and hypocritical. This means that at first the heroine is perceived as a forced, submissive woman, accustomed to a dependent position. But Katerina’s very next remark leads us out of this misconception, since here she is already openly protesting against her mother-in-law’s unfair accusations. In Katerina’s subsequent conversation with Varvara, she utters unusual words: “Why don’t people fly like birds?” They seem strange and incomprehensible to Varvara, but they mean a lot for understanding the character of Katerina and her position in the Kabanovsky house. The comparison with a bird that can flap its wings and fly eloquently speaks of how difficult it is for Katerina to endure the oppressive captivity and despotism of her domineering and cruel mother-in-law. The heroine’s involuntarily escaped words speak of her secret dream of freeing herself from this prison, where every living feeling is suppressed and killed.

Katerina’s character cannot be fully understood without her stories about the happy times of childhood and girlhood in her parents’ home. Carrying away with a dream into this wonderful world full of harmony, Katerina recalls the constant feeling of happiness, joy, merging with everything around her, which she is deprived of in her mother-in-law’s house. “Yes, everything here seems to be from under captivity,” says the heroine, pointing out the sharp contrast of her present life with her sweet and dear past. It is this inability of Katerina to fully come to terms with Kabanov’s oppression that exacerbates her conflict with the “dark kingdom.” The story that happened to the heroine in childhood reveals in her such defining character traits as love of freedom, courage, and determination. And, having become an adult, Katerina is still the same. Her words addressed to Varvara sound prophetic: “And if I get really tired of it here, they won’t hold me back by any force. I’ll throw myself out the window, throw myself into the Volga. I don’t want to live here, I won’t do this, even if you cut me!”

Love for Boris became for Katerina the reason for the awakening and revival of her soul. She has been prepared by her entire forced life in Kabanov’s house, her longing for lost harmony, her dream of happiness. But throughout the entire play, the author strengthens the contrast between Katerina’s sublime, spiritual, boundless love and Boris’s down-to-earth, cautious passion. This ability of Katerina to love deeply and strongly, sacrificing everything for the sake of her beloved, speaks of her living soul, which was able to survive in the dead Kabanovsky world, where all sincere feelings wither and dry up. The motif of bondage is constantly intertwined with Katerina’s thoughts about love. This sounds especially clear in her famous monologue with the key. In a state of severe mental struggle between the duty of a faithful wife and love for Boris, Katerina constantly returns to thoughts about her hated mother-in-law and the hateful walls of the Kabanovsky house. To suppress love, which promises so much happiness, for the sake of sad vegetation in captivity is an impossible task for a young woman. After all, giving up love means forever giving up all the best that life can give. This means that Katerina deliberately commits a sin in order to preserve her living soul, thereby challenging Kabanov’s concepts of morality. What are these concepts? They are quite clearly and specifically formulated by the peculiar ideologist of the “dark kingdom” - Marfa Ignatievna Kabanova. She is absolutely convinced that a strong family should be based on the wife’s fear of her husband, that freedom leads a person to moral decline. That’s why she so persistently nags Tikhon, who is unable to shout at his wife, threaten her or beat her. Katerina’s public repentance further confirms Kabanikha in the correctness and unshakability of her views on the family.

What is the reason for Katerina’s public repentance? Maybe this is fear of God's terrible punishment? I think that the point here is not cowardice or fear of punishment, but Katerina’s exceptional conscientiousness, her inability to lie to her husband and mother-in-law, to pretend in front of people. After all, this is exactly how the first words of her repentance are understood: “My whole heart was torn! I can’t stand it anymore!” Neither the mother-in-law, who now locks her daughter-in-law, nor the husband, who beat her a little because mamma ordered, can condemn and punish Katerina more strongly than she herself. After all, she feels guilty not only before Tikhon and Kabanikha, but also before the whole world, before the highest forces of good and truth. Having committed a sin, Katerina loses the harmony with the world that lived in her. Having gone through difficult spiritual trials, through debilitating pangs of conscience, she is morally cleansed. Katerina atones for her sin through suffering. Farewell to Boris kills the heroine’s last hope for a life in which joy is still possible. She is ready to follow her beloved man to distant Siberia as an unmarried wife, but he cannot and does not want to resist his formidable uncle, hoping for a mythical inheritance.

Katerina has only one option left - suicide. And not because she was disgusted with life. On the contrary, in the heroine’s last monologue, when she says goodbye to the sun, grass, flowers, birds, her great desire to live, to love the beauty of the earth is felt. But Katerina still chooses death, because only in this way can she preserve the best, bright, pure and sublime that lives in her soul. And the years of living in the gloomy house of the mother-in-law are tantamount to a slow death stretched out over time. Katerina rejects this pitiful semblance of life and, rushing into the Volga, affirms true life, full of joyful selfless love for flowers, trees, birds, for the beauty and harmony of the world. Maybe Tikhon feels this subconsciously when he envies his dead wife. He has boring, monotonous months and years ahead of him, which will completely kill his soul, because keeping it alive in Kabanov’s “dark kingdom” can only be done at the cost of his life. This means that in the image of Katerina A. N. Ostrovsky embodied the living soul of the people, their protest against the Domostroev religion, the oppressive conditions of reality, dependence and lack of freedom.

Each of us sins, probably every day. After all, the very concept of “sin” is not at all unambiguous. Having offended a person, thereby committing a sin, a person experiences a feeling of guilt and remorse. Atonement for guilt is repentance, after which the soul becomes calmer and lighter. But when it comes to more serious sins, repentance does not always bring the desired peace of mind.

One of the striking examples of sin and repentance in Russian literature is the spiritual tragedy of the main character of the drama A.N. Ostrovsky "The Thunderstorm".

Treason for Katerina is a big sin. She, first of all, stepped over herself, over her morality, she is the purest, holy creature, in whose life religion is of great importance. The girl remembers herself as a “free bird” in childhood and does not want to put up with the fact that now, in her marriage, she is like in a cage. But Katerina’s personality is young. Varvara tells her: “You didn’t have to take a walk with the girls, your heart hasn’t gone away yet!” A sixteen-year-old young lady fell “in the snare” of her mother-in-law, who did nothing but humiliate her and considered her some kind of thing, her husband’s property. Is it possible to condemn the unexpected impulse of the soul, the feeling that visited Katerina’s heart? She wanted to feel like a full-fledged person in this “dark kingdom” and sought support in her love for Boris. The girl realized that she was committing a sin, and that moreover, she herself would not be able to forgive herself: “I don’t know how to deceive, I can’t hide anything.” But Katerina asked that Tikhon take her with him when he was leaving, she felt, it would be a sin. She tried to resist, forced her heart not to obey the flaring feeling. Katerina asked her to take an oath: “I will die without repentance if I…” He did not listen to her request and thereby deprived the girl of her last chance to protect herself from destructive passion.

“Such fear comes over me, such and such fear comes over me! It’s as if I’m standing over an abyss, and someone is pushing me there, but I have nothing to hold on to!” And, really, there’s nothing to hold on to! The abyss is love for Boris, a sin itself, and the edge where Katerina stands is the boundary line between “the dark kingdom and its inhabitants and that bright, free one that carries within itself a feeling of love. What is the point of an oppressed girl holding on to “Domostroy”, to the “cage” in which she found herself after getting married? So what if it’s a sin, so what if people judge it?! Her soul requires love, harmony, freedom. True, she still doesn’t get the latter. Having sinned, Katerina understands that she cannot continue to exist with such a burden in her soul, and that now she has only one way - to repent. Katerina's pangs of conscience drive her to madness. She is afraid to appear before God “...as she is, with all... sins...”, with a “thunderstorm” in her heart. She imagines “fiery Gehenna”; the young lady literally goes crazy, realizing that a thunderstorm - heavenly punishment - will destroy her. At the moment of repentance, it rains, washing away sins and cleansing Katerina’s soul. And moreover, having formally “cleaned up,” she can no longer return to her former life, into the “paws” of her mother-in-law and the world that pushed her into that abyss called “sin.” So, Katerina, having repented of treason, an undoubtedly great sin, rejected by her husband, commits an even greater sin, from the point of view of Christian morality, which means so much for the heroine - suicide.

The finale of the drama is the death of not only the main character, who dared to fight for her life, albeit in a sinful way, but it is also the death of the entire world, whose inhabitants did not know that the struggle for freedom and love, sincere, selfless, is not afraid of either sin or , perhaps, destructive repentance.

please do it I really need it urgently Why did Katerina from A.N. Ostrovsky’s play decide to publicly confess her sin?

Answers:

Ostrovsky's heroine lives in the difficult atmosphere of a provincial town, where the foundations of Domostroy reign. In her husband’s house, the cruel Kabanikha controls everything. Tikhon obeys his mother in everything, does not argue with her, but at the first opportunity he tries to leave home and walk to his heart’s content. Kabanikha’s daughter, Varvara, walks with Kudryash at night, but lies, dodges, hiding it from her mother in every possible way. Katerina languishes in an inhospitable house, finding no use for the powers of her soul. Her husband doesn't understand her. Varvara encourages deception. But Katerina is a free person by nature. She grew up in love and affection, no one ever forced her to do anything. And here, in someone else’s house, she endures only for the time being. Katerina directly tells Varvara that if she gets really “sick” of being in her mother-in-law’s house, she will throw herself out the window, throw herself into the Volga, and will not live here. Suddenly love for Boris enters her life. Katerina is trying with all her might to resist this sinful feeling. After all, she is a married woman and should not love another. Both society and the church consider this a terrible sin. And Katerina, from childhood, was accustomed to spending time in prayer; and tried to lead a righteous life. Thus, she is torn between her sinful love for Boris and the life she longed for. Katerina is looking for support from someone around her! so as not to succumb to my feelings: with my husband Tikhon, with Varvara. But Tikhon does not take her with him on the trip, because he wants to have fun in freedom, while Varvara does her best to convince her to meet with Boris, thereby pushing her into the abyss. And Katerina is unable to resist the strong feeling; she gives herself entirely to her love. So, she had several days of happiness. But secret happiness, hidden from everyone. And Katerina’s whole and pure nature is disgusted by all lies. She suffers because she is forced to hide her love and lie to her husband. And then one day Katerina confesses her sin to Tikhon. However, she does not repent of her love, she only repents of lying. And she confesses to him not only because she is afraid of fiery hell, but also because she cannot live with such a burden on her conscience. Of course, the whole setting of the repentance scene prompts Katerina to confess: the thunderstorm, which she is afraid of and which in the drama is the embodiment of heavenly punishment, the crazy lady with her prophecies about fiery hell, the painting in the church. But even without this, it seems to me that she would have confessed to her husband. Maybe not on this day, but I would definitely repent.

Because she was pious. Most of all, she was afraid of dying with sins. She cannot live with a bad conscience, constantly tormented. The thunderstorm played a big role in this recognition. Katerina was afraid of a thunderstorm. A thunderstorm is a symbol of higher powers. “A thunderstorm is being sent to us as punishment.”

This is true strength of character, which, in any case, you can rely on!

3) Her actions are in harmony with her nature, they are natural for her, necessary, she cannot refuse them, even if it has the most disastrous consequences. The author believes that all the “ideas” instilled in Katerina from childhood rebel against her natural aspirations and actions. In his opinion, Katerina was brought up in concepts identical to the concepts of the environment in which she lives, and cannot renounce them, not having any theoretical education. “Everyone is against Katerina, even her own concepts of good and evil; everything should force her - to drown out her impulses and wither in the cold and gloomy formalism of family muteness and humility, without any living aspirations, without will, without love - or teach her to deceive people and conscience” 4.

Describing Katerina’s love for Boris, Dobrolyubov claims that her whole life lies in this passion; all the strength of nature, all its living aspirations merge here. One can agree with the opinion of the author, who believes that what attracts her to Boris is not just the fact that she likes him, that in appearance and speech he is not like the others around her; She is drawn to him by the need for love, which has not found a response in her husband, and the offended feeling of a wife and woman, and the mortal melancholy of her monotonous life, and the desire for freedom, space, hot, unfettered freedom.” At the same time, the following statement of the critic is not entirely accurate: “Fear of doubt, the thought of sin and human judgment - all this comes to her mind, but no longer has power over her; this is just a formality, to clear one’s conscience” 1 . In fact, fear of sin largely determined Katerina’s fate.

The author sympathizes with the strength of Katerina’s feelings. He writes that such love, such a feeling will not live within the walls of Kabanov’s house, with pretense and deception. The critic notes that she is not afraid of anything except being deprived of the opportunity to see her chosen one, talk to him, and enjoy these new feelings for her. Explaining why Katerina publicly admits her sin, Dobrolyubov writes: “My husband arrived and she had to be afraid, cunning, hide, and life became impossible for her. This situation was unbearable for Katerina, she could not stand it - in front of all the people crowded in the gallery of the ancient church, she repented of everything to her husband. They took action with the “criminal”: her husband beat her a little, and her mother-in-law locked her up and began to eat her... Katerina’s will and peace are gone” 2 . The critic defines the reasons for Katerina’s suicide this way: she cannot submit to these rules of her new life and is unable to return to her former life. If she cannot enjoy her feelings, her will, then she doesn’t want anything in life, she doesn’t even want life. In Katerina’s monologues, according to the critic, it is clear that she completely submits to her nature, and not to given decisions, because all the principles that are given to her for theoretical reasoning are decisively contrary to her natural inclinations. She decided to die, but she is afraid of the thought that this is a sin, and she seems to be trying to prove to everyone that she can be forgiven, since it is very difficult for her. The critic correctly notes that there is no malice or contempt in it, which is what heroes flaunt when they leave the world without permission. But she can’t live anymore, and that’s all. The thought of suicide torments Katerina, which plunges her into a semi-hot state. And the matter is over: she will no longer be a victim of a soulless mother-in-law, she will no longer languish locked up, with a spineless and disgusting husband. She's freed!..

The main idea of ​​Dobrolyubov’s article “A Ray of Light in a Dark Kingdom” is that in Katerina one can see a protest against Kabanov’s concepts of morality, a protest brought to the end. Katerina, as perceived by Dobrolyubov, is a woman who does not want to put up with, does not want to take advantage of the miserable vegetation that is given to her in exchange for her living soul. “Her destruction is the fulfilled song of the Babylonian captivity...” 1 - this is how the critic poetically formulates.

Thus, Dobrolyubov evaluates the image of Katerina, firstly, as a concentrated and decisive image, for which death is better than life under those principles that are disgusting and alien to him. Secondly, Katerina is a spontaneous, living person, everything is done according to the desire of nature, without a clear consciousness, logic and analysis do not play the main role in her life. Thirdly, the critic notes the great strength of Katerina’s character; if she wants to achieve her goal, then she will achieve it no matter what. He truly admires Katerina, considering this image the strongest, smartest and bravest in the play.

2.2 D. I. Pisarev “Motives of Russian drama”

Article by D.I. Pisareva was written in 1864. In it, the author sharply condemns the position of his opponent, N.A. Dobrolyubov, and points to the article “A Ray of Light in the Dark Kingdom” as his “mistake.” That is why this article expanded and deepened the polemic between Russkoe Slovo and Sovremennik, which began earlier. Pisarev sharply disputes the interpretation of Katerina from Ostrovsky’s “The Thunderstorm” given in this article by Dobrolyubov, believing that Katerina cannot be considered as a “decisive, integral Russian character”, but is only

one of the creations, a passive product of the “dark kingdom”. Thus, Dobrolyubov is credited with idealizing this image, and debunking it seems to be the true task of “real criticism.” “It’s sad to part with a bright illusion,” notes Pisarev, “but there’s nothing to do; we’d have to be satisfied with the dark reality this time too.” Unlike Dobrolyubov, Pisarev showed the reader a bare list of facts that may seem too harsh, incoherent and, in the aggregate, even implausible. “What kind of love is this that arises from the exchange of a few glances? What is this stern virtue that gives in at the first opportunity? Finally, what kind of suicide is this, caused by such minor troubles that are tolerated completely safely by all members of all Russian families?” asks the critic.

And, of course, he himself answers it: “I conveyed the facts absolutely correctly, but, of course, I could not convey in a few lines those shades in the development of action that, softening the external sharpness of the outlines, force the reader or viewer to see in Katerina not an invention of the author, but a living person, truly capable of performing all the above-mentioned eccentricities.”

Reading “The Thunderstorm” or watching it on stage, Pisarev believes, no one ever doubted that Katerina should have acted in reality exactly as she did in the drama, because every reader or viewer looks at Katerina from his own point of view , evaluates it as he perceives and sees it. “You can find an attractive side in each of Katerina’s actions; Dobrolyubov found these sides, put them together, composed an ideal image from them, and as a result saw “a ray of light in a dark kingdom” and, like a man full of love, rejoiced at this ray with the pure and holy joy of a poet,” writes the critic. To create the correct image of Katerina, Pisarev believes, it is necessary to trace Katerina’s life from childhood. The first thing Pisarev claims is that upbringing and life could not give Katerina either a strong character or a developed mind. Pisarev believes that in all Katerina’s actions and feelings, first of all, a sharp disproportion between causes and effects is noticeable. “Every external impression shocks her entire organism; the most insignificant event, the most empty conversation produces whole revolutions in her thoughts, feelings and actions.” The critic considers Katerina a frivolous girl who takes everything that happens to heart: Kabanikha grumbles, and Katerina languishes from it; Boris Grigorievich casts tender glances, and Katerina falls in love; Varvara says a few words in passing about Boris, and Katerina considers herself a lost woman in advance, although until then she had not even spoken to her future lover; Tikhon leaves home for several days, and Katerina falls on her knees in front of him and wants him to take a terrible oath of marital fidelity from her. Pisarev gives another example: Varvara gives Katerina the key to the gate, Katerina, after holding onto this key for five minutes, decides that she will certainly see Boris, and ends her monologue with the words: “Oh, if only the night would come soon!” 1, and yet even the key was given to her mainly for the love interests of Varvara herself, and at the beginning of her monologue Katerina even found that the key was burning her hands and that she should definitely throw it away.

According to the critic, by resorting to little tricks and precautions, it would be possible to see each other once in a while and enjoy life, but Katerina walks around as if lost, and Varvara is very seriously afraid that she will “thump at her husband’s feet and tell him everything in order.” . Pisarev believes that this catastrophe is caused by a confluence of the most empty circumstances. The way he describes Katerina’s feelings is intended to confirm his perception of the image: “Thunder struck - Katerina lost the last remnant of her mind, and then a crazy lady walked across the stage with two footmen and delivered a nationwide sermon about eternal torment, moreover, on the wall, in the covered gallery, hellish flames are drawn - and all this is one to one - well, judge for yourself, how can Katerina really not tell her husband right there, in front of Kabanikha and in front of the entire city public, how she spent all ten during Tikhon’s absence nights? The final catastrophe, suicide, happens impromptu in the same way, the critic claims. He believes that when Katerina runs away from home with the vague hope of seeing her Boris, she has not yet

thinking about suicide. She finds it inconvenient that death does not appear, “you, she says, call for it, but it does not come” 1. It is clear, therefore, that there is no decision on suicide yet, the critic believes, because otherwise there would be nothing to talk about.

Further analyzing Katerina’s last monologue, the critic looks for evidence of her inconsistency in it. “But while Katerina is reasoning in this way, Boris appears, and a tender meeting takes place. As it turns out, Boris is leaving for Siberia and cannot take Katerina with him, despite the fact that she asks him. After this, the conversation becomes less interesting and turns into an exchange of mutual tenderness. Then, when Katerina is left alone, she asks herself: “Where to now? should I go home? 2 and answers: “No, I don’t care whether I go home or go to the grave” 3. Then the word “grave” leads her to a new series of thoughts, and she begins to consider the grave from a purely aesthetic point of view, from which, however, people have so far only been able to look at other people’s graves. “In a grave, he says, it’s better... There’s a grave under a tree... how nice!.. The sun warms it, wets it with rain... in the spring grass grows on it, it’s so soft... birds will fly to the tree, they will sing, they will bring out the children, the flowers will bloom: yellow, little red ones, little blue ones... all kinds, all kinds” 4 . This poetic description of the grave completely fascinates Katerina, and she says that she does not want to live in the world. At the same time, carried away by an aesthetic feeling, she even completely loses sight of fiery Gehenna, and yet she is not at all indifferent to this last thought, because otherwise there would not have been a scene of public repentance for sins, there would have been no departure of Boris to Siberia, and the whole story about night walks would remain sewn and covered up.” But in her last minutes, Pisarev argues, Katerina forgets about the afterlife to such an extent that she even folds her hands crosswise, as they fold them in a coffin, and, making this movement with her hands, she does not even bring the idea of ​​suicide closer to the idea of fiery hell. Thus, a jump is made into the Volga, and the drama ends.

Katerina’s whole life consists of constant internal contradictions, the critic believes, every minute she rushes from one extreme to another; Today she repents of what she did yesterday, and yet she herself does not know what she will do tomorrow, at every step she confuses her own life and the lives of other people; finally, having mixed up everything she had at hand, she cuts through the lingering knots with the most stupid means, suicide, and even a suicide that is completely unexpected for herself.

that they express a passionate, tender and sincere nature. And because of beautiful words, there is no reason to declare Katerina a bright phenomenon and be delighted with her, as Dobrolyubov does. So, we can claim that Pisarev analyzes this drama in order to prove that the critic Dobrolyubov was mistaken in his assessment of one female image. The critic wants to contribute to the assessment of Katerina’s character, to reveal her image from his point of view.

Pisarev believes that the viewer should not sympathize with either Katerina or Kabanikha, because otherwise a lyrical element will burst into the analysis and confuse all reasoning.

In the play “The Thunderstorm,” the author ends his article, Katerina, having committed many stupid things, throws herself into the water and thus commits the last and greatest absurdity.

Summarizing the study of D. Pisarev’s article “Motives of Russian Drama,” we can highlight the following features of the critic’s perception of the image of the main character:

Katerina is just one of the creations, a passive product of the “dark kingdom”

Upbringing and life could not give Katerina either a strong character or a developed mind

In all of Katerina’s actions and feelings, one can notice, first of all, a sharp disproportion between causes and effects.

The catastrophe - Katerina's suicide - is caused by a confluence of the most empty circumstances

Katerina's suicide was completely unexpected for herself

So, we see that the critic’s goal was to prove the fallacy of the view of the heroine in Dobrolyubov’s articles, with which he completely disagrees. To prove that Ostrovsky’s heroine is not at all a “decisive, integral Russian character,” he interprets her image too straightforwardly, completely ignoring the depth and poetry that the author gave it.

New... ... world, the grandiose work of A. N. Ostrovsky “ The Thunderstorm”

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Katerina
- “Russian strong character” -
becomes an extensive subject for discussion images
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After marriage, Katerina
became withdrawn, everything...

Without pretending to be original, I want to express my opinion about the tragedy of the main character of A. N. Ostrovsky’s drama “The Thunderstorm”. I was always tormented by the thought: how could a woman who firmly believed in Christian morality commit suicide. Confused by N. A. Dobrolyubov’s article “A Ray of Light in the “Dark Kingdom,” although I did not accept Katerina as that very notorious “ray,” I nevertheless agreed with many of the postulates of the article. And then one day on the road I was struck thought: no, Katerina would never commit suicide and could not do so. From the height of my years, I no longer took Dobrolyubov into account: what could a young man (Dobrolyubov) who died at the age of 25 say something wise in life? Where could he get life experience, experience of family relationships, if he had none of this and simply did not live to see it? Therefore, at some point I stopped trusting his opinion and decided to carefully re-read the drama again. So, Katerina Kabanova is a merchant’s daughter and a merchant’s wife. At the very beginning of the play, she recalls her childhood, when she lived in her parents’ house, “like a bird in the wild.” What was meant by this? In the morning I got up and watered the flowers, went to church, listened to the praying mantises and pilgrims, embroidered on velvet with gold, walked in the garden and went to church at vespers. This is how the days and years passed. Katerina’s mother didn’t even “force her to work,” she didn’t teach her to family life, she just paid attention to the fact that something unusual happened to her daughter. Katerina herself spoke about this: “...I don’t hear when the service ends,” she saw during the service how “on a sunny day such a bright pillar goes down from the dome (...) as if angels are flying and singing in this pillar.” In modern language, Katerina could fall into a trance, renounce everything earthly, following only the flight of her soul. Hence the fervent prayers day and night, hence the visions of golden temples and extraordinary gardens, hence the flights in dreams. Having become the wife of the quiet, harmless Tikhon, Katerina was supposed to continue in her own family the life planned in childhood. However, it turns out that she is not ready for family life: dull dissatisfaction with her mother-in-law, condemnation of her religiosity, rejection of the laws reigning in her mother-in-law’s house, reluctance to understand your own self-will. “I was born so hot! (...)... will not hold me back by any force. I’ll throw myself out the window, throw myself into the Volga. I don’t want to live here, I won’t, even if you cut me!” she says to Varvara. Suddenly it turned out that even prayers could not save a new family. And if this doesn’t save her, the “enemy” comes at night and begins to confuse her: “Such fear comes over me, such and such fear comes over me! It’s as if I’m standing over an abyss, and someone is pushing me there, but I have nothing to hold on to.” Her future life is a test of the strength of her Christian morality.. Accompanying her husband to Moscow on business, she asks her to take a terrible oath so that “I will die without repentance if I...” Pride takes over, and Katerina, breaking the oath, cheats to my husband. And she doesn’t just cheat, but purposefully, day after day, while her husband is away, she meets with Boris. Here all the norms of Christian morality are already violated, but this love does not bring joy to Katerina. Afraid of dying during a thunderstorm, afraid of the prophecies of the old lady (“You will have to answer for everything”), Katerina repents to her husband, confessing to him and her mother-in-law that she cheated with Boris. She speaks words of confession in a state of passion, she wants to remove from herself the terrible sin of adultery. After her terrible confession, she “falls unconscious in her husband’s arms.” Having repented of her sin, Katerina is ready to die. The last meeting with Boris is confirmation of this. “You go on your way, don’t let a single beggar pass by, give it to everyone, and order them to pray for my sinful soul,” she tells him. Left alone, she “thinks.” This author’s remark is worth a lot.” “Thinks” - in other words, her consciousness turns off and she pronounces all subsequent phrases in an unconscious state. Many exclamatory and interrogative sentences speak of her state of passion. She, purified by repentance, saying goodbye to Boris and her life, does not commit suicide. Proof of this is the author’s remarks: “Oh, hurry, hurry! (Approaches the shore. Loudly.) My friend! My joy! Goodbye! (Leaves).” It is precisely “leaving”, and not rushing into the Volga. What happened? Someone saw that “a woman threw herself into the water” - and that’s all! Whoever saw it, naturally, didn’t stand nearby. It was at night (people with flashlights were looking for Katerina), no one could see what really happened. Katerina had a small wound on her temple. The assumption of one of the characters that “... she must have gotten caught at an anchor and hurt herself, poor thing!” remains only a guess. An anchor in a pool? Throughout the play there was no talk of any ship. Ready for death, Katerina would never have committed a sinful act that cannot be prayed for, for which it is impossible to repent. Having repented of adultery, she will never commit an even more serious sin - suicide. Apparently, being in a semi-conscious state, she simply stumbled in the dark. That’s why they found her “close by, in a whirlpool near the shore.” Katerina was pure all her life. Having stumbled, she realized her sin, repented and died with a pure heart as a true Christian. Kulibin’s words are logical: “Here’s your Katerina! Do whatever you want with her! Her body is here, take it; but the soul is now not yours: it is now before a judge who is more merciful than you!”

How to restore trust in your husband

A woman’s phrase “after my husband cheated on me, I can’t trust him” usually indicates that there are a lot of problems in the couple. This is a signal of reassessment of values ​​and rethinking of your own life.

It is advisable to avoid emotional barriers in communication, and for husband and wife to become best friends, establishing a strong connection. Then the relationship will move to a higher level. And the woman will not have a question about whether betrayal can be forgiven.

However, in this situation one should not go to extremes and replace love with psychological dependence. A woman's happiness and self-esteem are not related to her partner's fidelity. The feeling of enjoying life originates within, always in positive thoughts. Women need to respect their own interests and needs and not get hung up on men.

How to save a family when your husband cheats? The wife needs to analyze how she felt when she learned about his betrayal. Perhaps this happened due to special trust in relation to her husband. Most often, women do this unconsciously, trying to live as if behind a “stone wall.”

A mentally mature person is able to independently take responsibility for his words and actions. For him, betrayal is simply an unpleasant fact. It hurts, but life goes on.

For an insecure person, betrayal seems like a collapse and confirmation of one’s inferiority. In this case, the matter is not only in the betrayal of the husband, but also in the complexes of the woman herself.

Identify motives

People do certain things for certain reasons. Usually these actions are rational and important to the one who performs them. And such an act as treason is no exception. People who committed treason

, may feel hurt, lonely or unappreciated. Most often, they try to find on the side what they do not get from their partner.

Take a standard situation: one of the partners in a relationship receives less attention from the other. For what reason he is not given this attention is another question. Perhaps one of the partners is too busy with their career

, devotes a lot of time to friends or there were other reasons. And a person who suffers from a lack of this attention quite reasonably looks for it on the side.

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If on the path of such a person he meets someone who is ready to pay maximum attention, who is ready to spend all his time on communication and courtship

, it will not be difficult for him or her to reach the heart of a person deprived of this same attention.

It is also possible (and this is not uncommon) when the partner who was cheated on blames himself for what happened. There are also difficult situations when you did everything right, giving to your partner

the maximum that people in a relationship can usually give each other. But your partner still cheated on you for reasons that have nothing to do with you.

Motivation also plays an important role in maintaining or repairing relationships. And then it’s no longer so important what exactly led to the betrayal

– dissatisfaction with your sex life, some small old grievances, lack of the same attention.

How to regain peace of mind

To understand how to restore trust in a relationship, women must realize that family life largely depends on the efforts of both partners. You should not shift all responsibility to the chosen one. Trust is a special part of love.

It is easiest for a woman to be offended, to revel in the pain and be afraid of losing contact with her husband. At the same time, you are dealing with your fears, and not solving the problem. A woman needs to leave this blaming position and let go of the past.

She needs to start living life to the fullest. Doesn't any woman deserve love and respect? You can continue to enjoy life and experiment with your appearance. Healthy selfishness has never hurt anyone.

A woman should open up to new knowledge and acquaintances. Thanks to this, her life will be filled with new meaning and relieve her of negative thoughts.

A woman should look for inspiration. You can also keep a “success diary” where you note all the good moments that happened that day. It's time to change your picture of the world.

It is important for a woman to monitor her health, which is a guarantee of her attractiveness. Over time, tragic events will become a thing of the past and will not become so traumatic.

When visiting a psychiatrist, many women ask whether cheating can be forgiven. At the same time, the husband asks for forgiveness and dreams of saving the family. How can a woman believe in his sincerity and return to her previous relationship?

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Cheating on a man has many different pros and cons, but sometimes you need to know for sure whether going to the left will be justified or not. There are not many such situations.

When not to change

It happens that a man is no longer young, so he cannot give a woman satisfaction. Also, a man may experience health problems, so his intimate life temporarily becomes uninteresting. In this situation, it is advisable to help the man feel supported, and not move away from him. Distance and betrayal can break his heart and completely convince him of his worthlessness. If you want to strengthen and preserve your relationship, you need to go through this period together and find options that will suit both partners.

Also, you should not go to the left when the relationship is not at the most pleasant stage. It often happens that love begins to crack, and the couple temporarily experiences a certain coolness. In this case, men begin to cheat much more often than women, but representatives of the fair sex also sometimes go to the left. In this case, you need to either move towards solving problems, or break up. Cheating won't help matters.

When cheating is justified and can even strengthen the relationship

1. When a man cheats . It is very important to understand here that a woman should not be motivated by revenge alone. If she is affected by her partner’s moves to the left, it means that you need to break up, but if friendship prevails over love in the relationship and the couple is comfortable in such conditions, you can discuss whether your union is polyamorous. The problem is that men don't always understand that such an arrangement should work both ways. In addition, you cannot fall in love with those with whom a woman is having an affair. This should not be a search for someone new, but just a momentary entertainment.

Many psychologists claim that there are couples who only strengthen their love with this approach. The likelihood that people will not break up in such a rhythm increases with increasing time spent together.

2. When people don’t love each other, but want to save the family . In 99% of cases, we are talking about spouses who have lived in a place for many years and have children or a business together. In this case, betrayal is better than separation if the parties are interested in preserving the family business.

In most cases, justified betrayals are agreed upon in advance. If there is no possibility or desire to separate, but both people understand perfectly well that there is no longer love, it is better to discuss options.

3. If a man is a tyrant and manipulator . For example, a man can humiliate his woman, treat her badly, but not let her go. If a lady is forced to live in such a situation, then betrayal will be completely justified, because the man does not love her and does not let her go. There are quite a lot of such situations. A tyrant man does not allow you to breathe, he behaves with his companion as if she were a thing. If there is an opportunity to feel the warmth and love of another man, then this is a reason not so much for a one-time betrayal, but for serious reflection: it’s time to run away from an abusive husband.

4. Marriage of convenience . Another situation where betrayal is completely justified. A man and a woman are married not because they have feelings for each other, but because they need it. There may be a million options, but the question is what should people do if they are connected but do not love each other. They will have to look for someone on the side to satisfy their needs for love and warmth. This will be quite normal, because every person wants sincere love.

Men believe that female infidelity cannot be forgiven. Yes, this is strange, considering that they can easily forgive themselves for their betrayals, but they cannot do this for the woman they love who has stumbled. This paradox of male logic is also worth considering when discussing boundaries in relationships.

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10.08.2020 00:19

Why does betrayal occur in a family?

In all situations, it is not recommended to resolve the issue rashly. A woman needs to be quiet for some time. And also find out what is the reason for the betrayal.

Sometimes the wife herself is guilty of betraying her husband. However, she has no idea about it. When he declares that after his husband’s betrayal he cannot trust him, then you need to find out the reasons for this situation.

The main reasons for cheating include:

1. When a woman gets married, she stops taking care of her appearance. Nobody demands an ideal figure, but more than 100 kg is too much.
2. A woman stops taking care of her clothes and hairstyle. It is much more pleasant to live with a well-groomed and beautiful wife. To do this, it is not necessary to visit beauty salons. It is important not to walk around the house in a torn robe and with disheveled curls.
3. It is worth evaluating your behavior. If quarrels and scandals constantly occur in the family, then even love will not save you from betrayal.
4. Jealousy is a dangerous feeling. If you interrogate your husband about women every day, this can also push him to cheat. After all, then the scandals will be justified.

To strengthen family relationships, it is important for a woman to show her love and fidelity. But this should not be done too intrusively.

Why do husbands cheat? In this situation, the woman needs to calm down and let her husband talk if he wants to explain. You shouldn't decide everything for him. All quarrels between partners are the mistakes of both. This also applies to betrayal. A woman needs to listen to all her husband’s arguments, and only then make a decision.

The theme of betrayal in the play "The Thunderstorm"

How often in our lives do we hear about betrayals in love, in friendship, in faith? But what is “treason”? In my opinion, betrayal is a person’s inability to fulfill their obligations, to be true to their ideals or to a loved one. Treason is adjacent to such concepts as betrayal and lies - some of the despised qualities of a person. The person himself first of all betrays himself and his conscience, his convictions. But there are times when a person can find salvation from his everyday problems, insults or humiliation from those whom he loves and respects, realizing that such an act can lead to very dire consequences.

What reasons can push a person to take such a desperate step?

This question was raised in the play “The Thunderstorm” by A. N. Ostrovsky. The writer addresses the problem and reasons for betrayal. The main character is a girl named Katerina, who, unable to feel warmth and protection from her husband, took such a dangerous step as betrayal. But what were the reasons for her action?

Firstly, Katerina was constantly literally taken away from the world by Kabanikha. The mother-in-law accused the poor girl with or without reason. With every conversation, she tried to somehow insult Katerina, humiliate her in the eyes of the rest of the family. She turned her son, the girl’s husband, against her, trying to adjust her will to her own.

Secondly, having met Boris, Katerina found in his love support and understanding, which she so lacked in the Kabanovs’ house. Are you enrolling in 2021? Our team will help you save your time and nerves: we will select directions and universities (according to your preferences and expert recommendations); we will fill out applications (all you have to do is sign); we will submit applications to Russian universities (online, by e-mail, by courier); we will monitor competition lists ( we will automate the tracking and analysis of your positions); we will tell you when and where to submit the original (we will evaluate the chances and determine the best option). Entrust the routine to professionals - more details.

She sees Boris as the complete opposite of Tikhon, who followed only the will of his mother and considered his wife “shackles on his feet.” Katerina wanted to know what love is, realizing that there may not be another case.

But, despite such a traitorous act, the girl tried to save her soul. She took a decisive step - death to save herself from shame and remorse.

I would like to hope that for most people, cheating is far from a common occurrence in everyday life. I'd like to think that people realize the bitterness that betrayal can bring. After all, it is difficult to find an explanation for such an act that can justify a person and his actions. I believe that honesty and sincerity in relationships between people, morality and simply compassion for each other can help avoid betrayal.

Useful material on the topic:

1. Conflict in the play "The Thunderstorm"
2. The argument is the theme of time. Unified State Exam. The theme of time in the play “The Cherry Orchard”
3. The image of Kuligin in the play "The Thunderstorm"
4. The image of Katerina in the play "The Thunderstorm"
5. "Tragedy of Conscience" in the play "The Thunderstorm"

Is it necessary to forgive betrayal?

Women ask psychologists whether it is possible to forgive betrayal and how to continue to trust their husband. You can decide whether to forgive or not after a one-on-one conversation. Women should not seek outside advice. This will affect the situation negatively and will not give the correct answer. After all, it is easy to completely break off a family relationship, but the husband’s return to the family may not happen.

If a woman can calmly assess the current situation, she will try to listen to her husband. By doing this she will raise herself in his eyes. After reconciliation, partners can even take a short vacation together. This will help you understand your feelings more accurately. And a woman will be able to understand whether or not she has trust in her husband.

How to get rid of the fear of cheating again

If a woman has decided to save her family, then she needs to trust her husband again. First, she must learn to control her feelings. A woman often has a feeling of fear that this situation may happen again.

How to learn to trust your husband after cheating? To do this you need to do the following:

1. A woman should distract herself from such thoughts. She can go to the pool or gym. Communicate with friends more often. But you shouldn't start talking about treason. This will not allow emotions to cool down and will traumatize the soul.
2. A woman can occupy herself with a hobby. This could be knitting, embroidery, reading books. She needs to change her style and hairstyle.
3. You can engage in your self-development. Read fiction and scientific literature.
4. The most important rule for a woman is to love and respect herself. This will raise her in the eyes of others.
5. A woman should try not to be jealous of her husband, but give him freedom. Let him be afraid of losing his wife, who behaved wisely and at the same time looks wonderful.
6. If a woman cannot cope with the current situation on her own, then it is best for her to consult a psychologist. This way you can solve the problem faster.

It is such a woman who will be able to attract attention to herself, and not a lady who is depressed. Seeing the changes that have happened to her, the husband will value his wife more.

Social significance of the play

Before you start writing the essay “Did Katerina Have Another Path,” it would be useful to find out the reasons for the success of this work. “The Thunderstorm” was written in 1859, when all of Russia was awaiting peasant reform. Therefore, society accepted it with delight: the play was staged a huge number of times on the stage of all theaters in Russia.

Ostrovsky created a new type of heroine, who became the personification of the struggle against the old order. Her act looked in the eyes of society as the beginning of a new period. Everyone perceived the play not as a personal drama, but as a public one. Some asked Ostrovsky to exclude Kabanikha from the list of characters, because in her image they found similarities with the Tsar. “The Thunderstorm” surprised readers with the strength and depth of its dramatic story, its exposure of merchant morals and challenged them.

In the essay “Did Katerina have a different path in the play “The Thunderstorm””, it is worth recalling the very plot of the work in order to better analyze the development of other versions of the story. In one city, which is located on the Volga, lived the Kabanov family: Marfa Ignatievna, Tikhon, Katerina and Varvara. Kabanikha was a despotic woman, she commanded her son Tikhon and humiliated her daughter-in-law Katerina. Kabanov always obeyed his mother, loved his wife in his own way, but never stood up for her. He often drank with a rich merchant, whose name was Savel Prokofich Dikoy. The merchant had the same bad temper as Kabanikha.

Katerina was an honest girl, very pious, she tried to please her mother-in-law in everything, but it was hard for her to be among them. She could not be in such a despotic, “Domostroevsky” society. Nephew Boris, an educated young man, comes to visit Dikiy. He and Katerina fall in love with each other. But the woman could not deceive her husband and confessed everything to him. Boris Dikoy is sent out of the city, and Katerina, realizing that she can no longer live like this, commits suicide. Of course, many readers feel sorry for the girl. That is why the essay “Was there a different path for Katerina in the play “The Thunderstorm”” was included in the school curriculum.

How to forget your husband's cheating

When a woman complains that after her husband’s betrayal she cannot trust him, then she should learn to accept his apology. This will help her in the future. Apologies can be expressed in the form of regular help with housework, flowers, and walks around the city.

In some cases, the cheating husband feels much worse than the betrayed spouse. It gets much harder for him. After all, he practically destroyed the family.

After reconciliation, you should live in the present and not remember past mistakes. Forgiving your husband's infidelity is a wise decision that only a strong woman can make.

After all, such situations happen in many families. And not all women are able to forgive, but only some. Sometimes this makes the family stronger, and the husband begins to appreciate his wise wife.

Sometimes you need to be friends

How to behave after your husband cheats? Women often ask themselves this question. Psychologists advise, after a surge of emotions, to express to the spouses everything that specifically does not suit them. This is done in order to prevent repeated betrayals.

If a woman has decided to forgive a man and save her family, then at first it is best for them to be best friends. After betrayal, you should not blame your husband for all mortal sins. It should not be forgotten that a decision has been made to start the relationship again. It's best not to touch on the past.

How to strengthen relationships

To build trust in a relationship, spouses need to spend more time with each other. If you don't have a vacation planned, you can travel on weekends. At this time, a woman will be able to discover new character traits of her husband.

From time to time, thoughts about betrayal will pop up. Especially initially. Spouses should not start a conversation about this. As a result, all efforts will go to waste and the family will fall apart.

If a woman doesn’t know whether cheating can be forgiven, then the most ideal option is to cross out the past. It is best to start your married life anew. And try not to make mistakes that served as a reason for betrayal. Ideally, the couple can have another honeymoon.